We love the idea of having an opponent. It’s reassuring to think that you have a competitor against whom you must organise to preserve order and your interests. This is, however, a very divisive approach to social life. It encourages us to think of others with suspicion. It makes us want to turn those around us into “mini me” relatives – allies and people of similar interest. The thing is that strength comes not from similarity, but from diversity and fair exchange. However, we often feel the impulse to exclude someone, turn our neighbourhood, or office or our department into a walled garden with a gate, to surround ourselves with those who keep us in our comfort zone. Sometimes however, we can look beyond our insecurities and welcome someone different into our group. This isn’t a concession – it’s the beginning of a dialogue with that person, a negotiation to find a common ground. When that moment happens, and we feel a sense of kinship with someone that we use to think of as an adversary – we suddenly feel stronger, more mature, more secure. That is how a society grows deeper and more supple – less brittle.