In our interactive era, you spend a lot of time with yourself and the internet. You ask yourself a lot of questions.
I think it is important to listen to the questions that you are asking yourself and be mindful of why you are asking them. If you find yourself asking whether you spend enough time working, then you probably ought to work more. If you find yourself asking whether you should be developing more of a homelife, then you should focus on people.
This is a question of managing fear. We fear that there is a line that will be blurred and that we will not meet expectations, whether our own or those of others. But that line is ill-defined – the only thing that you will be judged on by others is your level of confidence and mindfulness.
Being mindful and confident means living without fear, because it means that you are present in your life and in the lives of others. We live in a world where our selves are shared out so much, that we often fall into the trap of not really being in the moment. Not really being in our relationships: friendship, family, intimate, work.
When you’re not really there, you tend objectify things, because you have to manage them as objects in your mind, rather than as holistic human experiences that occupy your soul and mind. Call this a concept of “nowness” if you will. People hate to be objectified because it is reductive, and it signals to them that you are not present in your life, so they do not really exist to you fully.
Try practicing “nowness” in your life. Be present in your work, your relationships, your spirituality. Don’t just go through the motions or skitter through your days. Many will achieve this through prayer, contemplation or even just through breathing.
In doing this, you will help others feel welcome and all aspects of your life will improve. This will mean transformation – certain relationships or activities may fall away because they are actually not meant to be part of your life, your now.
When you are mindful and present, you will naturally ask the questions I mentioned earlier as you need to. The answers will be obvious. The only that will stop you from answering them will be fear.
Don’t be afraid. Be mindful.